Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Briefly

I am astounded by today's date. Summer has turned a heel in the direction of the door. I noticed her standing like that yesterday, the hollyhocks now gangly behind her. This evening I grabbed her by the wrist, sat her down, and handed her an iced tea. It's not that she'll stay any longer than she usually does, but at least I've reckoned with her.

Every day is different. Of course I think of Mom every day; though maybe only every other day, the loss hurts. The sweeping changes of the year-- at home and abroad-- make a world I barely recognize, so I am grateful for a few constants: love and service. The hurt of the world may never cease; we'll continue to bury our dead and give birth to new life until it is our turn to die. My only choice, as I see it, is whether I choose to enact love over fear in my behavior, on whatever scope is personally available to me. I am powerless over anything else.

I am immersed in nursing study, still not having fully processed what happened to Mom. Adapting to routine of school and nursing work and learning her profession without her being here to share in it is difficult some days. Adequate rest certainly helps. The support of my loved ones helps. Secondary to those things is music, dogs, and summer, that moody blonde gal.

I had what I call a "montage moment" today. I was finishing an assignment and listening to music. I knew the material, was focused and the music was just right. It was a 5 second length of film that when connected to the next cut, makes up the movie of my life. My choice to enact love is what insures a happy ending.